Who do you look up to?

As humans we always compare ourselves to others, that’s normal. What isn’t normal, however, is our tendency to “compare and despair”. We’ve all watched a video of a musical prodigy, a talented speaker, an out-of-this-world sportsman, and immediately started hating his or her guts without even knowing why. Here’s why: we hate success when it’s not ours.

We constantly project what others find attractive or impressive onto other people but find it almost impossible to do so for ourselves. So here’s the problem: you cannot become that which irritates you. You can’t become rich if you hate seeing people with more money than you, you can’t become that amazing footballer you see on TV if you despise those who are for the moment better than you… the list goes on. So how does this link to agoraphobia? Well, the first step to getting your life back is to stop trying to get rid of your anxiety issues. Sounds simple, right? Well, truth be told, as many of you know, it’s very much like trying to forget you have a spear hanging out of your leg. What you need to remember is that there’s always another way. In this case, this other way is simply to not try and stop your anxiety-filled thoughts but to fill yourself with admiration for someone who displays all those amazing traits that you’d love to have. This way, you circumvent what you were previously stuck on.

This is why this trick is so easy, everybody admires someone. I personally loved watching public speakers debate and give speeches: it showed me a degree of confidence I so desperately wanted to achieve. So you need to model that person, wait patiently, and watch as you slowly start metamorphosing into your own version of him. Even if it starts by imitating, it doesn’t matter, because the confidence you are faking will eventually turn into your own real confidence.

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